Tax Time

If you’re a true blue American with a red heart, then you understand how happy I feel to say ‘The President’ again. Even those cat scat Republicans who just want to line their pockets are trying on a new blue suit. It’s like government cheese, which you can expect to see again real soon. They’ll be the first in line. In fact, they already got it. They got green cheese.

The Democrats? Put the accent on 'rat' and keep an eye on the woodwork. Illinois is the land of Lincoln all right, and Ben Franklin too. I come from the City of Brotherly Love and believe me, we know Franklin. We got all the founding fathers down here.

We know that Tim Geithner cheated on his taxes. I never met the American who didn’t know when he was cheating on his taxes. That’s why we hire accountants, so we can figure out the limits of the law and save every penny. We also have accountants to tell us when we’re likely to get caught if we test those limits by cheating. When we file, we take a personal risk.

Geithner would never have gotten caught if he wasn’t nominated for Treasury Secretary. And if cheating isn't just cause for disqualification, what about stupidity? Ignorance of the law is no defense unless it works in our favor when it comes to cheating on our taxes? And who wants a Treasury Secretary that pleads stupidity when it comes to money? This guy is a cheat, a liar, and claiming to be a dunce. Worse, he thinks we're the ones who are stupid.

He understands a lot about arcane finance, but he looks to me like a typical Wall Street snake, made worse by the fact that he’s a nickel and dimer when it comes to cheating. They ought to consider Bernie Madoff if they really want an expert. But maybe that’s what we need, a nickel and dime Wall Street snake over at Treasury, a guy who is out to save himself $1200 wherever he can. But in my experience, a guy like that can’t be trusted with an expense account, let alone the Treasury.

Regime Change

If I told you about a country where the head of its spy agency became Vice President during the reign of a right-wing movie star who was succeeded by said Vice President who, though deposed after a left-wing revolution, arranged for his idiot son to become President in a rigged election which was decided in a state where the idiot son’s brother was Governor, and which disputed election was decided by judges appointed by the father, you’d have to assume this country was very close to the equator.

I go on to tell you that the idiot son was completely in the sway of a nefarious military contractor who, as head of a vice-presidential search committee, nominated himself, and then went on to wage a war largely sub-contracted to the last organization on his resume, a war in which intelligence was falsified, coverage suppressed, and diplomacy ignored. During this war, kidnapping, torture, and mass murder took place, all of which was denied by the President and the Vice President despite all evidence to the contrary.

When I tell you that this President left office with his country in ruins, you’re not surprised. Its military is wasted, civil defense non-existent, roadways a wreck, public transport in crisis, energy supplies endangered. There is no public health insurance, poor education, and corruption is rampant. So you’re not shocked to hear that the economy of this country is in a complete state of collapse.

But this is my country, brother. So if you want to know why I’m not giving any discounts, you better ask yourself why I’m not raising my prices, because this shit costs. Deflation? Give me a break. I'd rather give you a free sandwich once in awhile and think of it as an investment. What makes you think we’re immune to inflation, like any other monkey-shit republic? As people hoard cash, it has less and less value. After all, money unspent is worthless. Consider the prime-lending rate. And consider what usually happens down in those equatorial economies, once a place is stripped of its resources and its treasury, pillaged. People don't think much of its money.